Friday, September 24, 2010

BD Review

Hey Jude~

Big Daddy...hmmm...I think we are on the outs. As much as I was enamored with the thought of being with a politician...I don't think I could handle the lifestyle. I don't think I would want him to be subject to my lifestyle...and, um, my past!

So...we say a sad Adious to BD! It was a fun and pleasurable experience.

PS
We never reached a point of intimacy...he exclaimed that he wants to make love to me...and I responded that would take a commitment. Funny...he never called back after that date...and that was date 5!

Friday, August 27, 2010

Looney Tunes


Hey Jude~

I was out and about 4 weeks ago...on my merry way to get nice and loaded! I was invited to have a drink with a new acquaintance, her birthday soiree was in my new neighborhood. I wasn't going to show, but I was in a rut and decided..."What the Fuck? Why the Fuck not?

I thought it would be a great idea to bar hop a bit. The party didn't start until after 9:00pm and I had about 4 hours to kill....needless to say I was hammered by the time I got to the venue.

So...let's just cut to the chase....I spotted Looney Tunes and quickly made his acquaintance! He bought me a drink...but by the time it arrived I knew I hit my limit! I told LT that I was going to jet...he insisted to walk me home...what a gentleman.

We made it to my loft, and that's when I blacked out...just a bit. Apparently I made him my fabulous pot stickers and apparently he loved them!

You know I do not believe in coincidence...I believe everything happens for a reason. So, why did I meet LT? He's a total BUST-OUT! He was just released from jail...yeah..that's right...I SAID JAIL, February 2010. But that's NOT what freaked me out....his Baby Mama, is a family friend! How does that happen....and WHY did this happen to me????

He calls and texts, I do not respond. This one...is a little different...a little nuts...a little Looney Tunes!

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Binny


Hey Jude~

Last year I gave on-line dating a try...I believe I have written about how I think it's all a bunch of hullabaloo! This is one of the main reasons why....

Bachelor #2...let's call him Binny... soon you will know why this name is PERFECT for him. Binny is a Chicago Cop, his beat is on the West Side.

Binny started our eHarmony(scammery) on-line communication. We quickly got thru all the bullshit Q & A crap! We decided to go on our first "meet & greet" date after day 2 of communicating. He picked me up from work and we walked to the local beer & shot bar. Everything went well...we talked, we laughed, he drove me ALL the way to the train station...in the suburbs. Did I mention, I work in the city??? I thought that was a beautiful gesture!

Things were progressing nicely. He sent me flowers after date 1,and a sweet card on date 2!!! We were really into each other...we communicated all day, whether it be text or actual phone conversations. We even saw each other 5x in one week! Wowsers! This must be love, right? I mean he was ready to plan our September/October wedding! Bwahaha!

Day 7...I hang out at his place. We get a little cozy, he asks if I would give him a little a neck massage. We proceed to his bedroom...he lays down on his bed. I ask him to take off his shirt...and to my AMAZEMENT I find a few disturbing tattoos on his chest and arm! Who in their right mind gets a Double Headed Skinhead on a Cross on the middle of their chest? Or how about a Swastika on their arm...granted it was a Buddhist Swastika...but...none the less...a SWASTIKA and how can I forget the word FASCIST flank stamp, like Blink 182 drummer Travis Barker's "Cadillac"...oh wait...that's right...a RACIST would tattoo that on their body! Right? So...the question is...does this fellow know that I'm NOT WHITE??

Day 9
I'm having a rough day at work...I call Binny to let off some steam and vent. I'm dealing with a difficult client. My client is a lawyer...and if anyone knows me...I don't seem to have a liking to lawyers, at least on a professional level....anyway...Binny asks me for the lawyer's last name. I tell him, and he whispers "fucking kike"....I have never heard that word before...I decide to Google "kike" while I'm on the phone with him...I became very disturbed by his racist comment! UM....12 years ago, I was in a serious relationship with Jewish gentleman....that certainly did not sit well with me. I told Binny his comment was unacceptable and was a bit scary. We broke up later that evening...via text! YIKES!

Day 10
The Chicago Cop received the name Binny...nick name for BIN LADEN, for these reasons...
A) He was either working undercover with the long ass Bin Laden looking beard he was sporting.
2) He is seriously a civil terrorist, being a Chicago Cop and working on the West Side, the badge probably protects him from actually KILLING every African-American and Jew in the city!
C) After pondering on his looks...he kinda resembled Bin Laden...minus the turban!

Fast Forward 11 months(last week)....Binny takes me by surprise and CALLS me...um...yeah...I was fucking crazed out sweating when I heard his voice! Was he out of his god damn mind????? He wanted to know why it ended????? Really...this clown was not only a fascist and racist...he was delusional! What woman in their right mind would ever think twice about spending the rest of their life with this ASS CLOWN? So...let's just add COPS to the list of Douche Bags I will NEVER date!!!!

PS
I'm waiting for Bachelor #1 to give me a reason to blog.......remember....they always call back...it may take awhile...but they always call back...this blog is pure proof!

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Big Daddy


Hey Jude~

I have never had a problem getting back in the thick of things...I have always thought...when one door closes another one opens! My dating life is certainly no different.

If you recall, Big Daddy is kinda a Big Deal, in these parts. His high profile status does not allow us to share a "normal" relationship. He is constantly in the public eye...perhaps that's part of the attraction.

Two weeks ago, I get a call. BD asks me to meet him at a restaurant in my neighborhood...the restaurant was hosting a party in his honor. I arrive late...I ask the host to quietly tell BD that I have arrived. He fetches me and takes me to the back of the restaurant...where there are roughly 50 other Asians having a dinner party. Um...he failed to tell me...it was his BIRTHDAY PARTY! Surprise!!!! The "fuss" started, and the stares and glares did as well! I was finally placed at a table next to his. Besides the wait staff and bus boys, I believe I was the youngest person in the room...every woman at my table asking me "what organization are you from?"...um "Jude's"???? Now the cameras start to come out...everyone wants a photo op with BD. I hang in the background, absorbing my new surrounding. BD, is motioning me to pose with him. I feel like the paparazzi is all over us. Then the birthday cake comes out...everyone sings and it seemed like there was a handful of woman that just couldn't get close enough to him! I decide...I have my camera handy, I should take a pic of all this! I am still feeling a bit "out of place"...even though I was surrounded by my "people".

After the cake commotion, BD grabs a bar stool and we start conversing....sitting side my side, smiling at the crowd, bantering back and forth. He tells me I'm voluptuous, I tell him he's a dirty old man..he smiles and whispers..."we need love too". I smirk back...He tells me he's playing cards tonight...Texas Hold 'Em. I tell him "good luck"...he departs with his entourage...I stick around.

I sit, I eat, I drink, I smile, I make small talk, I decide...why not network a bit? All these peeps work with organizations, some are doctors, some are lawyers...why not rub a few elbows and give out my business cards? Right? So, I turn the "sales" switch on! Shaking hands and making introductions... I made (2) new friends. They were lovely ladies....and curious little cats! I finally tell them...I was personally invited by the guest of honor. He called me just a bit ago...he wanted me to be here...their faces could not hide what was going thru their heads.

BD calls the next day, telling me I did a great job! I had no idea I was being tested. I guess I passed...because we had (2) more dates...time will tell...tick tock...more to come, promise.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Broadway Discontinued


Hey Jude~


So guess what???? Broadway production has ended! Awwww...didn't even last (2) months...he is moved to the "douche list". This one was a goody! Oh yeah...


The fun, fabulous, complimenting, humorous Broadway also has a childish, depressing, immature, and ugly personality. I thought I was experiencing a live performance of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde! This production was truly Oscar worthy! I knew he was dramatic, but I never knew he was also certifiably NUTS!


No curtain call needed for this show...it needed to be O-V-E-R! I have never experienced an individual with moods that swing more than queens at the Pride Parade! I honestly thought he was suicidal when he heard on the radio the traffic on LSD was due to a motorcycle accident! He wished the person dead, then proceeded to pout like a toddler. That show seriously gave me a bit of anxiety.


Act 1: We finally get to a restaurant...Bad Broadway still on stage. The downer mood continues...his vibe is negative and attracts all kinds of bad. Finally... the food starts to arrive...I was amazed...in a matter of consuming 2 crab rangoons with some sweet & sour sauce later...the Broadway show started to make a turn for the good. "POOF" Bad Broadway out...Good Broadway in! The mood lightens, the eyes start to sparkle again, and I hear....laughter. I played along, didn't want to disrupt the show. We finish dinner, crack open our fortune cookies, he pays the bill and we depart.


Act 2: We arrive at my loft. I assist with inputting information on a "work" spreadsheet for him. I am getting very tired...it's been (2) nights with limited sleep. I excuse myself and get ready for bed. Sleep....


Act 3: I'm up and ready to start my day. Broadway is snoozing in my bed...I allowed him to stay and borrow my car. He had some friends coming to the city for a visit. I tap and go...he thinks I'm "mad" at him...hmmm...why would I be "mad".

Act 4: Broadway calls and will be picking me up from work. He is waiting for me across the street. I get in my car and we proceed to head to his house. We are 5 minutes into the drive and this is when my "show" starts. I state that he's DRAMA, and it's UGLY...and though I am NOT asking him to change, he must realize that I CAN change. This is not what I signed up for, and he's too much for me to handle!

Final: After spending true "quality" time with Broadway...I've come to a conclusion. He has an addictive personality that I have seen and experienced in the past...No more CRAZY...alcoholic...self centered....delusional FUCKS in my life! I have had my share, this time I PASS! There is something to be said about why this 45 year old man is STILL single!

So long Broadway! Your show will go on...ALONE!

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Broadway


Hey Jude~

Broadway & I were introduced to each other thru a mutual friend...he approached her asking if she had any single friends...he is ready for a companion. Hmmm...45 year old bachelor...ready to commit to companionship. I believe I was offered that same proposition about 10 years ago...and I ended up in Vegas (3) months later...married! Uh oh!!!

I like Broadway...he's a bit of a drama queen...which makes me look like a water lily floating in a calm pond. We experienced a hiccup...he decided to act like a college student...binge drinking and smoking up...getting himself so sick...he missed his flight back home...and yep...I was picking him up. Unacceptable behavior in my eyes! Irresponsible! After (2) weeks of thinking...I decided to make a call...though his excuse was lame as all get up...I decided to give ol' Broadway another chance. So far...so good...I have to admit...the sex is phenomenal!!! Sweet Heaven!

So...we will just think happy thoughts...we have agreed to have a monogamous sexual relationship...he's fun and flirty...he compliments me...makes me feel pretty...and he makes me laugh. Let's hope Broadway continues to receive rave reviews!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Oh Winky Pooh

Hey Jude~

So, I had yet, another date with Winky Pooh last night. We decided to hang out in my neighborhood...after (2) drinks and flirty conversation about my new 55" LCD TV(still in the box) and the thought of how porn would look on it...we decided he would come over and set it up for me! OH BOY!

I don't know if I mentioned this earlier...but I'm a golfer, and I have been practicing my putting at home. Winky Pooh & I decided to have a putting contest. So...after we set up the TV, watched porn, listened to Sting...played a putting game, Winky Pooh received his prize! Guess what that was....winner winner chicken dinner!

The question is....what is this exactly? I truly enjoy Winky Pooh's company....we laugh, we talk, we booze...and up until the last 3 dates, he has been "spoiled"... What's a girl to do?

Monday, May 10, 2010

E-Scamery

Hey Jude~

I am glad I ended my subscription to the 'find your soulmate' bullshit online dating site. It was quite the experience...of bullshit. I'm not saying that it does not provide you with an opportunity to meet new people...that, it delivered...but who wants to date a man that lies about his name, or how about a man that has a tattoo of a swastika and a double headed skinhead on a cross on his chest...I mean...really? The last one wasn't any better...his personality was a snore...he actually told me that he doesn't really talk much...come the fuck on??? That's why you're single...his only hope is hanging on to both his hands...those are the only 2 that will put up with his non-existing personality! So...keep on keeping on E-Scamery...you get from me...a big fat GFY!

Monday, April 26, 2010

Kiss Me


Hey Jude~

I have decided that a man that does not like nor want to kiss is not worth my time. "Irish" is not a toucher, hugger, cuddler, and...um a kisser! So, besides the fact that he has no clue what he wants from me after 3 months...I say he gets moved to the "douche list"... it was fun while it lasted...and I have learned a valuable lesson...when a man won't kiss me...run run run as fast as you can in the opposite direction! The only thing he can kiss is my Ass..."Irish"...what a disappointment! Tsk Tsk Tsk!

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Blind,Deaf and Dumb


Hey Jude~

This has been on my mind for quite some time....

"Irish" & I have been "involved" for about 3 months, and I sometimes think things are moving along at a nice slow pace, then Ka-Boom....he "poofs"! It may be a day or 2, but regardless...I just don't get it. I feel like I may be deaf to what he's telling me.

I have hemmed and hawed on how to ask him if we are exclusive...I don't mind if he dates other woman, I just need to know that he's poking, me, and ONLY me.

Within the last month he has moved, traveled, opened a new clinic, and traveled again. His last excursion brought him to Florida...and he received some news that now leaves him to deal with feeling and emotions he has buried for many many years. He confided in me that he's horrible with expressing his emotions. How he believes he has made great strides with his current relationships, knowing that this is a negative attribute. I'm not too sure that I responded well to him. For many years, I was with a "locked box"...I adjusted to it and became numb to any emotion shared with me...I feel terrible and I don't know if the "Irish" will trust me and let me back in.

What to do? Is this how normal relationships start? Or am I just blind, deaf & dumb to it all?

Friday, April 16, 2010

My Apologies...

Hey Jude~

My apologies...as I have not blogged for quite some time. Much to tell....as I sit in an over heated train car, with one Stoli soda digesting in my belly...I start to think about the 'Irish'. This relationship has been slinging around for over 3 months...and I still 'feel' for the kid. Amazing...perhaps its because I'm not reading into our situation. I have grown accustomed to communicating with various interests...not tying myself or obsessing about one little tasty morsel. I went on a 'one & done' date about a month ago. Yikes...guess he didn't fall for the 'black out' gal. Oooppss...shall I take the '2 drink max' rule into consideration? What fun could that be? Or the 'wait 3 months' rule? How about the 3 hours, 3 cocktails, or 3 meals rule??? Bwahaha...it does happen even to the best of us! He was extra 'Vanilla' anyway...probably why I drank too much, tried to entertain myself, not worth it...no thank you!

Let's back track...just a few weeks...

I managed to re-connect with a gentleman I met about 10 years ago...we will call him 'Big Daddy'. “BD” is kind of a Big Deal. He's much older than me, and I appreciate a man that possesses true gentlemanly manners. He calls when he says he will call, picks me up, and drives me where I need to go. But I'm not certain this can or will develop into anything besides companionship, at his convenience. This may very well be exactly what we are both looking for. On our first date, he took me out for breakfast…his driver opened the door for me, “BD” escorted me out of the vehicle, and we proceeded to the entrance of the restaurant. He opened the door for me, and as soon as we walked in, I felt like arm candy for the first time in my life! Sweet bejebus...I’m not too sure I could grow accustomed to that lifestyle…

Let's introduce you to Douchy McDouche Bag. He was able to obtain my digits while I was having a date night with Mr. Stoli & Mr. Jameson! Let me just tell you...when those two & I mingle...it's a threesome of debauchery! “DMB” lives out of state...and reminds me of a scumbag used car salesman! His lines were straight out of “Fast Times From Ridgemont High”...remember the Douche that Phoebe Cates was with??? Glad that turned into an emotionless texting bullshit Nada yada Nada! He finally got the hint when I text...'leave me alone...we are done here'...hasta...for...ever!!!!

That's all I have to report... for now...

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

"pussy"

Hey Jude~



I'm not sure if you are aware, but the world is truly ruled by the pussy! I was made aware of this notion about 13 years ago....a macho macho Italian man and I were boozing it up at the bar...we got into a deep discussion about the "Men are from Mars/Women are from Venus" book. He agreed with the author and quickly added..."Not all women know this...but the world is ruled by pussy! Wars have been fought over pussy...Joan of Arc, Helen of Troy, etc!"

From time to time I have made that exact comment to my lady friends...I know I should not be surprised, but it still amazes me how dumb we can be! Why do men buy expensive cars, build beautiful homes, buy fancy clothes????? For women to notice them! DUH!!!! So...I guess I will continue to keep my "pussy" nice and sweet for the ruling of the world!

Thursday, February 25, 2010

'Heat"

Hey Jude~

I'm certain that women are like dogs in "heat" right before they get their monthly visit from Aunt Flo...well at least I am! I can put my finger on the exact age when my libido officially went into over drive...I was 31! I never thought I could ever be more horny..oh boy...was I mistaken. "Heat" for me is very animalistic! I feel and act completely different during this stage. My senses are completely piqued...a simple touch, smile, or innocent gesture can get me going! All I think about is sex and how I can get it and who I'm gonna give it to. Now, mind you, this does not actually transpire, most the time, but a girl is allowed to dream, right?

I'm in "heat" week...it usually starts about 1.5 weeks before Aunt Flo arrives. I've notified the "Irish"...via text 'heat week has begun. I'm just saying"..."FYI...I'm at the peak of heat week"...this has gone on and on since last week Friday! Damnit...the "Irish" better make an appearance before I start to wander into another camp...I'm just saying....

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

"Winky Pooh"


Hey Jude~

So...tonight I am meeting with "Winky Pooh"! "Winky Pooh" and I have been dancing around our "attraction" for some time now. I have been seriously attracted to him for about 2+ years. I mean, this man makes me a sweaty nervous mess...and I don't get that way...ever! One night we met for cocktails with some colleagues and clients. He put his hand on my back for a second...about 5 minutes later, I excused myself... I quickly ran to the women's restroom, stood in a stall, took off all my clothes, because my suit was "sticking" to me! Crazy, right???? I never thought he was interested in me "that way" until about 6 months ago. We met out for cocktails and he made an interesting comment "One of the things that I'm attracted to is your ability to say what's on your mind, you have no filter"...Hmmmm...my ears perked up when I heard "attracted to"! I think at that very moment I decided I needed to drink more! Whohoo!!!! So, after many vodkas, the evening comes to an end, we say our good-byes, hugged it out, then I went for the reach around, and grabbed his ass!!!! The next morning, I texted an apology, and he responded with "I liked it...I hope you did too!" Mmmmm....Hmmmmm!!!! Oh did I! So, now the door is WIDE OPEN...and the sexting began...we have seen each other ONE time since the "ordeal" and NOTHING! I mean, once again...WTF???? All this flirting and such, and I get NOTHING in person??? So...tonight...I think I may take it and him to the next level...Did I mention that I'm in HEAT this week...WATCH OUT "Winky Pooh" you may get bamboozled!!!

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

"240"

Hey Jude~

Do you think it's odd that I have been on & off communicating with a man...solely by either text or random phone calls??? I mean...is this what this dating world is seriously coming to??? So..we will call him "240"...he's 5'10" and 240lbs...yep, he's has a lot to love :)

"240" started a strict work out regimen and gave up drinking...alcohol, for 6 months...with the hopes of getting fit and trim, by the summer. Good for you! But does that mean that he won't SEE me until he looks like a waif model???? WTF???? Some of these yahoos are worse than woman! What if I like a BBM??? I mean, I would like to at least look small and skinny next to him...is that selfish????

Monday, February 15, 2010

Suck It!

Hey Jude~

So...re-cap on VD. Hooked up with the "Irish" for some sober sex...not gonna lie...it was good, but you know...the first time is either AWESOME, because you are so wasted that you thought you were the bomb in bed...OR...NERVOUS...because you are insecure about how your body looks...OR truthfully speaking....it has POTENTIAL...to be great. I honestly believe we have POTENTIAL...we could have some great stuff between us! We need to practice a little more, and a little more often! The "Irish" continues to baffle me though. I believe we are just "hanging out", but then he'll throw in a comment or 2..."I never know what you are doing" OR "What? You stayed in the city last night?" Um...don't get me wrong, I am delighted that he's interested, but I have learned to NOT infringe on "boys night", and I'm not much of a drunk dialer/texter...have fun and call me after the hangover!

The "Suburban" disappointed me! No Call, No Show! He talked a big talk, but in the end, he has been moved to the "Douche List"...Take your COFFEE and Suck it!

Saturday, February 13, 2010

VD

Hey Jude~

It's VD weekend...blah blah blah....I may have a date or (2)..but who's counting? The "Irish" is coming on strong...but, I hate to admit it, I'm getting a bit bored. I don't know if I mentioned this earlier, but...I tend to get awfully bored very quickly. If I can stay entertained AND challenged for more than 8 weeks...that's a sign of a good man! I like the "Irish"...so what do I do to NOT get bored???? I need some spice! So...I found some...we'll call him the "suburban"...he lives and works in the burbs. Ha! Nothing like adding something/someone else to my consistently stirring pot! The "suburban" & I will go out either tonight for dinner and drinks OR tomorrow for COFFEE! ICK...coffee dates suck my ass! I mean, come on...COFFEE...I may need to bring a flask to get thru COFFEE! Shit!....The "Irish" just text me for some "sober sex"...yeah...I'll think about it...I love sober sex, don't get enough of it...but when I do...it's a delight!

So...VD...bring it...sober sex and Coffee..I'm ready!

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

"Irish"

Hey Jude~

So...I met the "Irish" on one of those dating websites...you know, the one that matches you with your "soul mate"...hahaha! Well, really, who knows? I believe there is a partner for everyone on this Earth. Some end up finding that person, some don't. Anyway….we have been “hanging” out for about a month. First date was a pleasure…it consisted of vodka and some tasty kibbles and bits. “Irish” chose a very hip venue. We have been on 5 dates…not bad not bad! Each venue was new to me…I like that! He’s definitely piqued my interest! I am moving at a slower pace than I am accustomed to, unlike the other yahoos I've seen on the website, he DOES NOT want to get married! This is good. He definitely keeps my attention….I tend to get bored very easily. He’s entertaining, driven, and has very interesting tales! He toured as the lead singer in a punk band for 10 years…and worked for a R.Kelly for 4 years! He traded music in for a different passion…he wanted to help people. The career path he chose is physical therepy! More on the “Irish” in the future…

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

The Vice

Hey Jude~

So I continue to keep my distance from the "cub'....and he continues to send me random text messages...last night at 9:21pm it was 'why the long face"...oh boy...so...I waited about an hour to respond..."???"...the texting continued followed by an actual phone call...can you believe it, people actually talk on the phone?...Well, fast forward...the "cub" decides to state that he possesses only ONE vice...take a guess what that may be..."WOMEN"...duly noted...he has made the "douche" list! Adios Amigo!

Monday, February 8, 2010

the "cub"

Hey Jude~

So, I had a fairly quiet weekend...until I received a text from my "cub"....hmmm...the "cub" is a 25 year old Latino...if he was burrito..I'd order him with extra sauce! I am trying my best to keep my distance....but I find myself fantasizing about his cute little face. I have never been with such a tasty little morsel...and my temptations may get the best of me in the end...yikes!

Hey Jude....

Hey Jude don't make it bad
Take a sad song and make it better
Remember to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it better
Hey Jude don't be afraid
You were made to go out and get her
The minute you let her under your skin
Then you begin to make it better
And any time you feel the pain,
Hey Jude, refrain
Don't carry the world upon your shoulders
For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool
By making his world a little colderNa na na na nana na na na
Hey Jude don't let me down
You have found her now go and get her
Remember to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it better
So let it out and let it in
Hey Jude begin
You're waiting for someone to perform with
And don't you know that it's just you
Hey Jude you'll do
The movement you need is on your shoulder
Na na na na nana na na na Yeah
Hey Jude don't make it bad
Take a sad song and make it better
Remember to let her under your skin
Then you'll begin to make it better
Better, better, better, better, better, Yeah,Yeah,Yeah
Na Na Na Na Na Na NaNa Na Na Na,
Hey Jude!