Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Where are your Pants?

Hey Jude~

I was watching "Sex and the City" last night, and realized I have so much in common with those gals. This particular episode was dear to me...Carrie was dating the Politician...you know the one... that wanted her to "pee" on him! This made me think about Big Daddy...and how he would "lose his pants"! I would be in the kitchen and when I'd come back to the front room he'd surprise me and be in his tidy whiteys! I'd look at him, perplexed...circling with my finger while pointing down at his "junk"..."Excuse me Sir...but...where... are your pants???"

Does he think he can just run amok sans pantelones? Dirty Old Man....

Friday, September 24, 2010

BD Review

Hey Jude~

Big Daddy...hmmm...I think we are on the outs. As much as I was enamored with the thought of being with a politician...I don't think I could handle the lifestyle. I don't think I would want him to be subject to my lifestyle...and, um, my past!

So...we say a sad Adious to BD! It was a fun and pleasurable experience.

PS
We never reached a point of intimacy...he exclaimed that he wants to make love to me...and I responded that would take a commitment. Funny...he never called back after that date...and that was date 5!

Friday, August 27, 2010

Looney Tunes


Hey Jude~

I was out and about 4 weeks ago...on my merry way to get nice and loaded! I was invited to have a drink with a new acquaintance, her birthday soiree was in my new neighborhood. I wasn't going to show, but I was in a rut and decided..."What the Fuck? Why the Fuck not?

I thought it would be a great idea to bar hop a bit. The party didn't start until after 9:00pm and I had about 4 hours to kill....needless to say I was hammered by the time I got to the venue.

So...let's just cut to the chase....I spotted Looney Tunes and quickly made his acquaintance! He bought me a drink...but by the time it arrived I knew I hit my limit! I told LT that I was going to jet...he insisted to walk me home...what a gentleman.

We made it to my loft, and that's when I blacked out...just a bit. Apparently I made him my fabulous pot stickers and apparently he loved them!

You know I do not believe in coincidence...I believe everything happens for a reason. So, why did I meet LT? He's a total BUST-OUT! He was just released from jail...yeah..that's right...I SAID JAIL, February 2010. But that's NOT what freaked me out....his Baby Mama, is a family friend! How does that happen....and WHY did this happen to me????

He calls and texts, I do not respond. This one...is a little different...a little nuts...a little Looney Tunes!

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Binny


Hey Jude~

Last year I gave on-line dating a try...I believe I have written about how I think it's all a bunch of hullabaloo! This is one of the main reasons why....

Bachelor #2...let's call him Binny... soon you will know why this name is PERFECT for him. Binny is a Chicago Cop, his beat is on the West Side.

Binny started our eHarmony(scammery) on-line communication. We quickly got thru all the bullshit Q & A crap! We decided to go on our first "meet & greet" date after day 2 of communicating. He picked me up from work and we walked to the local beer & shot bar. Everything went well...we talked, we laughed, he drove me ALL the way to the train station...in the suburbs. Did I mention, I work in the city??? I thought that was a beautiful gesture!

Things were progressing nicely. He sent me flowers after date 1,and a sweet card on date 2!!! We were really into each other...we communicated all day, whether it be text or actual phone conversations. We even saw each other 5x in one week! Wowsers! This must be love, right? I mean he was ready to plan our September/October wedding! Bwahaha!

Day 7...I hang out at his place. We get a little cozy, he asks if I would give him a little a neck massage. We proceed to his bedroom...he lays down on his bed. I ask him to take off his shirt...and to my AMAZEMENT I find a few disturbing tattoos on his chest and arm! Who in their right mind gets a Double Headed Skinhead on a Cross on the middle of their chest? Or how about a Swastika on their arm...granted it was a Buddhist Swastika...but...none the less...a SWASTIKA and how can I forget the word FASCIST flank stamp, like Blink 182 drummer Travis Barker's "Cadillac"...oh wait...that's right...a RACIST would tattoo that on their body! Right? So...the question is...does this fellow know that I'm NOT WHITE??

Day 9
I'm having a rough day at work...I call Binny to let off some steam and vent. I'm dealing with a difficult client. My client is a lawyer...and if anyone knows me...I don't seem to have a liking to lawyers, at least on a professional level....anyway...Binny asks me for the lawyer's last name. I tell him, and he whispers "fucking kike"....I have never heard that word before...I decide to Google "kike" while I'm on the phone with him...I became very disturbed by his racist comment! UM....12 years ago, I was in a serious relationship with Jewish gentleman....that certainly did not sit well with me. I told Binny his comment was unacceptable and was a bit scary. We broke up later that evening...via text! YIKES!

Day 10
The Chicago Cop received the name Binny...nick name for BIN LADEN, for these reasons...
A) He was either working undercover with the long ass Bin Laden looking beard he was sporting.
2) He is seriously a civil terrorist, being a Chicago Cop and working on the West Side, the badge probably protects him from actually KILLING every African-American and Jew in the city!
C) After pondering on his looks...he kinda resembled Bin Laden...minus the turban!

Fast Forward 11 months(last week)....Binny takes me by surprise and CALLS me...um...yeah...I was fucking crazed out sweating when I heard his voice! Was he out of his god damn mind????? He wanted to know why it ended????? Really...this clown was not only a fascist and racist...he was delusional! What woman in their right mind would ever think twice about spending the rest of their life with this ASS CLOWN? So...let's just add COPS to the list of Douche Bags I will NEVER date!!!!

PS
I'm waiting for Bachelor #1 to give me a reason to blog.......remember....they always call back...it may take awhile...but they always call back...this blog is pure proof!

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Big Daddy


Hey Jude~

I have never had a problem getting back in the thick of things...I have always thought...when one door closes another one opens! My dating life is certainly no different.

If you recall, Big Daddy is kinda a Big Deal, in these parts. His high profile status does not allow us to share a "normal" relationship. He is constantly in the public eye...perhaps that's part of the attraction.

Two weeks ago, I get a call. BD asks me to meet him at a restaurant in my neighborhood...the restaurant was hosting a party in his honor. I arrive late...I ask the host to quietly tell BD that I have arrived. He fetches me and takes me to the back of the restaurant...where there are roughly 50 other Asians having a dinner party. Um...he failed to tell me...it was his BIRTHDAY PARTY! Surprise!!!! The "fuss" started, and the stares and glares did as well! I was finally placed at a table next to his. Besides the wait staff and bus boys, I believe I was the youngest person in the room...every woman at my table asking me "what organization are you from?"...um "Jude's"???? Now the cameras start to come out...everyone wants a photo op with BD. I hang in the background, absorbing my new surrounding. BD, is motioning me to pose with him. I feel like the paparazzi is all over us. Then the birthday cake comes out...everyone sings and it seemed like there was a handful of woman that just couldn't get close enough to him! I decide...I have my camera handy, I should take a pic of all this! I am still feeling a bit "out of place"...even though I was surrounded by my "people".

After the cake commotion, BD grabs a bar stool and we start conversing....sitting side my side, smiling at the crowd, bantering back and forth. He tells me I'm voluptuous, I tell him he's a dirty old man..he smiles and whispers..."we need love too". I smirk back...He tells me he's playing cards tonight...Texas Hold 'Em. I tell him "good luck"...he departs with his entourage...I stick around.

I sit, I eat, I drink, I smile, I make small talk, I decide...why not network a bit? All these peeps work with organizations, some are doctors, some are lawyers...why not rub a few elbows and give out my business cards? Right? So, I turn the "sales" switch on! Shaking hands and making introductions... I made (2) new friends. They were lovely ladies....and curious little cats! I finally tell them...I was personally invited by the guest of honor. He called me just a bit ago...he wanted me to be here...their faces could not hide what was going thru their heads.

BD calls the next day, telling me I did a great job! I had no idea I was being tested. I guess I passed...because we had (2) more dates...time will tell...tick tock...more to come, promise.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Broadway Discontinued


Hey Jude~


So guess what???? Broadway production has ended! Awwww...didn't even last (2) months...he is moved to the "douche list". This one was a goody! Oh yeah...


The fun, fabulous, complimenting, humorous Broadway also has a childish, depressing, immature, and ugly personality. I thought I was experiencing a live performance of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde! This production was truly Oscar worthy! I knew he was dramatic, but I never knew he was also certifiably NUTS!


No curtain call needed for this show...it needed to be O-V-E-R! I have never experienced an individual with moods that swing more than queens at the Pride Parade! I honestly thought he was suicidal when he heard on the radio the traffic on LSD was due to a motorcycle accident! He wished the person dead, then proceeded to pout like a toddler. That show seriously gave me a bit of anxiety.


Act 1: We finally get to a restaurant...Bad Broadway still on stage. The downer mood continues...his vibe is negative and attracts all kinds of bad. Finally... the food starts to arrive...I was amazed...in a matter of consuming 2 crab rangoons with some sweet & sour sauce later...the Broadway show started to make a turn for the good. "POOF" Bad Broadway out...Good Broadway in! The mood lightens, the eyes start to sparkle again, and I hear....laughter. I played along, didn't want to disrupt the show. We finish dinner, crack open our fortune cookies, he pays the bill and we depart.


Act 2: We arrive at my loft. I assist with inputting information on a "work" spreadsheet for him. I am getting very tired...it's been (2) nights with limited sleep. I excuse myself and get ready for bed. Sleep....


Act 3: I'm up and ready to start my day. Broadway is snoozing in my bed...I allowed him to stay and borrow my car. He had some friends coming to the city for a visit. I tap and go...he thinks I'm "mad" at him...hmmm...why would I be "mad".

Act 4: Broadway calls and will be picking me up from work. He is waiting for me across the street. I get in my car and we proceed to head to his house. We are 5 minutes into the drive and this is when my "show" starts. I state that he's DRAMA, and it's UGLY...and though I am NOT asking him to change, he must realize that I CAN change. This is not what I signed up for, and he's too much for me to handle!

Final: After spending true "quality" time with Broadway...I've come to a conclusion. He has an addictive personality that I have seen and experienced in the past...No more CRAZY...alcoholic...self centered....delusional FUCKS in my life! I have had my share, this time I PASS! There is something to be said about why this 45 year old man is STILL single!

So long Broadway! Your show will go on...ALONE!

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Broadway


Hey Jude~

Broadway & I were introduced to each other thru a mutual friend...he approached her asking if she had any single friends...he is ready for a companion. Hmmm...45 year old bachelor...ready to commit to companionship. I believe I was offered that same proposition about 10 years ago...and I ended up in Vegas (3) months later...married! Uh oh!!!

I like Broadway...he's a bit of a drama queen...which makes me look like a water lily floating in a calm pond. We experienced a hiccup...he decided to act like a college student...binge drinking and smoking up...getting himself so sick...he missed his flight back home...and yep...I was picking him up. Unacceptable behavior in my eyes! Irresponsible! After (2) weeks of thinking...I decided to make a call...though his excuse was lame as all get up...I decided to give ol' Broadway another chance. So far...so good...I have to admit...the sex is phenomenal!!! Sweet Heaven!

So...we will just think happy thoughts...we have agreed to have a monogamous sexual relationship...he's fun and flirty...he compliments me...makes me feel pretty...and he makes me laugh. Let's hope Broadway continues to receive rave reviews!